when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
handjob tips. give me some.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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