Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
