How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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