I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
