Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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