yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
