Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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