Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
