I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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