If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
