Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
