I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
