Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
