I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
