I look better un-naked...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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