There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
