I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
