Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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