and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
