mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
