Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
