I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
