the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
