We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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