Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
