Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
