Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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