I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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