Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
