I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
