I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Its about making memories worth repressing
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
