Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
