How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
