I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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