last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
