i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
