i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
