I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
