I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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