why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
