My Higher Power is John Stamos
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
