he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
