oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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