So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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