my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
