i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
