Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
