Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So squirting runs in the family.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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