mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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