Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
