It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
