Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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