Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
