Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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